Autism awareness post 4/24/19

😭2019 family pictures. We aren’t in a super cute Pinterest family pic pose. Kyle doesn’t allow for that, as much as i hope for it every time! We didn’t get all the shots that I wanted. Kyle was over it shortly after we started! BUT, just like every other time we take on the scary task of family pictures, they always turn out perfect. I love it. I love the stories that are behind these pictures. I love the people in these pictures more than anything. It may not be Pinterest perfect but man it’s pretty close-in my eyes. I am so grateful for patient friends @lane e_spencer who are brave enough to take our pictures and laugh when things so south. We are truly lucky! Picture day is a lot of work, a lot of sweat, and sometimes a lot of yelling to keep your shirt on. Even with all that-(Don’t tell james) I can’t wait to do family pictures again next year! 😂 because let’s be real the behind the scene pics are awesome! This is my life. This is autism. #autismawarenessmonth #autism #fragilex #fampicday #ourperfect

Autism awareness post 4/23/19

I bet everyone is sick of hearing about puke. Cuz I’m sick of writing the word puke and cleaning puke and hearing he puked at school or on the bus. Ugh. He recycles this behavior so I know he will stop doing it eventually….for awhile…and replace it with another super awesome behavior. But I’m ready for the switch up. I need a vacation. From puke. And Kyle. This is my life. This is autism. 😏#autismawarenessmonth #autism #fragilex #familypics #justwantacutefampic #toomuchtooask #maybenexttime

Autism awareness post 4/20/19

I cleaned up throw up 2x today (4 if you count the 2x he did it in the sink). 🙄 Nope, Kyle isn’t sick. Just a rough day. A rough Saturday. The first time, I was upstairs getting ready and Kyle helped himself to a strawberry yoplait. So I’m assuming he got a strawberry chunk which made him gag which turned into full on puking. I could hear him cough and then start crying downstairs so I instantly thought “he puked”. 🤦🏻‍♀️Sure enough he walked upstairs and went straight into the tub. I didn’t want to even go downstairs fearing what I’d find. It was gross. But not on the carpet which is always a plus. BUT, his iPad was covered. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I swear I never learn. I need back up covers for situations like this. I washed the cover with bleach and cleaned his poor puke soaked ipad. How it survived, not sure. At 3 pm Marie got here. Kyle was mid meltdown because said ipad was having issues connecting to the internet (I wonder why? 🙄). So, I had to restart the iPad. This is never good. He freaked out. Like FREAKED OUT. Then Marie walked in and he went into full on meltdown mode. Which we all know what comes next…PUKE. This time on my carpet. 😩 One day we will have a house that is carpet free. By this time I was over him. At one point i felt tears of frustration coming so i had to walk away. I wanted to meltdown. Marie was a freaking champ tho. She came in and got right in there trying to calm him down. At one point he reached out to her to hug him. I was shocked! When I left the room towards the end he got up as Marie talked him thru it and he walked upstairs. I was pissed about the mess i had to clean up again but also so happy that Marie made such a huge break thru with Kyle. His trust in her is starting to form. And it’s cool to see. 😭 But I still had to clean up puke…again. It’s bedtime now, and Kyle and I are friends again. But I still hate when he throws up and I hate cleaning it up even more. Someone asked me the other day why I do these autism posts? I didn’t really have a good answer. But Maybe it’s a lil bit selfish. It helps ME. It gives ME strength when I read about what Kyle and I were able to get through in a day. It makes me proud of ME. Oh and he started this lovely Saturday morning off at 5:30 am. This is my life. This is autism

Autism awareness post 4/17/19

Whelp. Kyle quickly reminded me that my birthday is over! We couldn’t have session at my moms today so we had it at our house. As soon as Erika walked in kyle was off. He tried to hand me my purse a few times, as if to remind me we are supposed to be at grandmas. By the time it was bath time he wanted to make sure we knew he wasn’t happy about the change in routine today. He let us know by having a meltdown….that of course included throw up! 👌🏻 Cuz why wouldn’t it?! It’s not my birthday anymore! So down on my hands and knees I went to scrub puke outta the carpet with resolve (so glamorous) while Erika gave him a bath. Gosh I’m grateful for her. Like so grateful. He threw up a few more times in the bath just to drive the point home and then calmed down. Now I’m laying here next to him in his bed, as he pulls my hair and plays with my face. I’m gonna replay all the great from yesterday in my head and hope tomorrow doesn’t include scrubbing puke out of carpet or meltdowns! A girl can hope! Thank you Kyle for always keeping me humble. This is my life. THIS is autism. ❤️#autismawarenessmonth #autism #fragilex #backtolife #backtoreality

Autism awareness post 4/16/19

My love language is hands down, words of affirmation. With a close second of quality time. I woke up to my house decorated with balloons and crate-paper, sticky notes full of things my kids love about me, and home made birthday signs…ALL done by my kids. 😭 they spread out my favorite candy on the table and a card with heartfelt messages written by each one. ❤️ My day could have ended right there and it would have been the perfect birthday! But it didn’t stop. I didn’t trust Kyle (in my defense he has sucked the last few weeks or months really 😏) with getting on the bus, so I called in the big guns! Fonda showed up and Kyle hopped on the bus no problem! 🎉Again, the day could have ended there and it would have been perfect! But then my husband planned a lunch date at my favorite little restaurant where two of my favorite friends were there to meet us! We sat and chatted for over 2 hours! It was the best. I didn’t even remember to take a picture because I was just enjoying every minute! But the day got even better….my mom decorated my front door to make me feel special! 💕And THEN my sweet favorite friend stopped by because she couldn’t make lunch-even though her arm was killing her-with flowers and a huge balloon bouquet AND a cake! 😭 Then…my mom & dad showed up with dinner and we ate and laughed and had cake. Kyle did great-even with the extra noise! He even let me take a family picture (for one of my Reese’s but whatever works)! As I am laying by Kyle I’m reading through all the texts I got today, messages on social media and have so much gratitude. Sometimes it’s hard not to focus on how hard life is with Kyle, but today I’m reminded how truly blessed I am! 37 has been the best birthday yet! Autism IS hard. Kyle IS hard. But days like today give me the strength to keep on going! This is my life. This is autism! #autismawarenessmonth #autism #fragilex

Autism awareness post 4/15/19

Friday Kyle got on the bus like a champ. Like a real champ. Like he does this everyday! 😂Despite the huge change of having someone other than Janine ride with him. He smiled and he got on. No problems. I was shocked but definitely wasn’t complaining! Today. Not so much. He melted down but somehow James, probably through the powers above, got him on and into his seat. Ugh. Maybe because it’s Monday. But who knows, except Kyle. I was mad at him, my patience was thin this morning. I didn’t even say goodbye after James got him into his seat. I walked in the house with his screaming still audible. Then I ate, not one but two cookies at 6:10am. I’m not proud, but whatever. As i ate my cookies i thought, is it ever gonna get better? Will he ever just get on the bus with no issues? Tomorrow is my birthday, I’m reminding him he owes me a good bus day! This is my life. This is autism. #autismawarenesspost #autism #fragilex #ialsoparkedtooclosetothegarageandgotthetrunkstuck #donttelljames #ifixedittho #ididpanicforasecond #allgood

Autism awareness post 4/11/19

I tried to find a good quote to sum up my thoughts. But I can’t find one that perfectly describes my feelings today. So I guess I’ll try to explain although I’m not even sure I’ll be able to adequately express my thoughts so it might just turn into a vent sesh! 🤷🏻‍♀️This morning was rough. Like really rough. I’m not even sure how in the world james got him on the bus. Other than it was a miracle. Kyle started out ok-he walked out to the bus and made his usual stop at the bus doors. But as soon as he felt the pressure to hurry up, he started to melt down. My usual threats didnt work. And he was progressively getting louder in his crying. Which is always Awesome. This kid is so limber and flexible and uses that to his advantage. He twists and turns and turns and locks his arms and legs into nooks-which makes it near impossible to squeeze him up and around and finally into his seat. Ugh. This morning he almost didn’t make it on. Like i said, it was a miracle. The amount of anxiety and stress that comes with being Kyle’s mom mostly stems from not knowing what kind of day it will be. Everyday i wake up and hope for the best. He can have two days in a row that are great and then a really crappy day. And most of the time nothing has changed In the routine. This morning could have gone great-even with the mid week day off. But for reasons only Kyle knows, it didn’t. It’s so hard to see progress come so so slowly and sometimes not at all. It’s hard to wake up every morning and have no idea what kind of morning it will be-despite telling myself every morning “today will be a good day”! I’m still learning to not let my discouragement of how a day goes with Kyle, dictate my mood or how I deal with my day. But it’s hard. Some days harder than others. This morning was rough and he had an early out day and the bus showed up late which meant I was late picking up cody (and my friends daughter who needed a ride 😬). But I was determined not to let today’s losses control my attitude. So instead of letting my anxiety take over about how Kyle will be tomorrow-Janine is gone and another aide is riding with Kyle 🤞🏻😬😳😬🤞🏻I decided a mid week date with my husband was a good idea! Cuz why not?! Being Kyle’s mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s a roller coaster ride for sure. One that I ride blindfolded most of the time and have no idea when the next drop will be. Today, I guess I’m choosing to throw my hands in the air and try to smile through the anxiety. Tomorrow might be a different story! 😉Still learning! This is my life. This is autism.