3.9.19. Have I said how much I despise weekends? Well I do. They are long days filled with meltdowns by Kyle. And eventually my patience dies and I have a screaming meltdown which leads to me yelling and more of Kyle crying and kids that think I’m mean. And a husband who probably thinks I’m crazy.
I have a sore throat and achey body but that means nothing. Except my patience dies quicker.
Kyle was up yesterday at 5:15-probably because he knew he wasn’t going to school. Because he NEVER gets up by himself on a school day before 6am. Then this morning again 5:15am he’s up. What did I do to deserve this? Seriously.
We decided to take a drive this afternoon. Like most saturdays. But he won’t get in the damn car without the damn dog. We are trying to make him less reliant on the dog. Because he has become so dependent that it is disrupting skills he has mastered without the dog but all of the sudden cannot do it unless he knows Gooding is right there. He doesn’t like when Gooding is outside or on a walk or not in the house in his view at all times. It’s super frustrating and a fear I had would happen when we were contemplating a dog. And of course here we are dealing with it.
Back to the drive…he had a major meltdown when we told him no dog for the car ride. He screamed and cried and sat down. Stripped. Hit himself. James can usually get him into the car but kyle got outside and threw up. All while a young mom and her kids were trying to take a walk. Super awesome.
I hate moments like these. It’s embarrassing. It’s awful. The woman turned around and walked the opposite direction. Away from us. I’m sure I would have done the same thing if I was her. But it still stung. It still sucked. I hate this.
At this point We got him back in the house and didn’t go on a drive with him. In order not to reinforce the behavior, he didn’t get the drive. He has to learn that the dog is there to help him when he needs him not something Kyle relies on for everything.
Moments like these make me hate the life we have to live. HATE. It’s not fair to any of us.
The day went on. A few more meltdowns when I said no to food or his iPad wasn’t doing what he wanted. Then….
Cody was getting ready to take Gooding on a walk and kyle lost it again. My patience was done. He got up stairs and refused to get undressed and into the bath. He was crying. I took his iPad away and turned the tv off. He still refused. The frustration level was at maximum. Finally after he knew my buttons are all the way pushed he finally got up and into the bath. Still crying of course.
I just want to give up. I’m so overwhelmed. Erika is only coming in once a week and it’s not enough. I’ve reached maximum capacity. I’m done.
The problem is. I can’t be done. I have to wake up tomorrow with a sore throat and endure another effing day. And if he still has a runny nose on Monday, guess what he stays home AGAIN. I keep praying for relief but a couple of hours or a day isn’t enough. I feel like there is no light at the end. And that is so depressing.
I finally text Erika tonight to tell her we need to get someone else in here more since she can’t be. I need more support. She is going to work on that. But in the meantime, I have to still show up and suck it up. Every single day. Cuz this is my life.