February 21 2020 life is tough

Sometimes I daydream of what life would be like if Kyle was normal. Today as I drove to the school to pick him up because he had a meltdown on the way to the bus-he saw a white car that he probably thought was mine, I started to day dream.

What would life be like? I’m willing to bet it would be better than it is with autism and fragile x.

Sure, I’m hoping for a better tomorrow. And tomorrow probably won’t be as bad as today is. But it still will never be as great as if fragile x and autism weren’t a part of our every single fucking day.

Trying so hard to dig deep…I’m pretty sure I’ve reached the very bottom tho…to find hope. Trying hard to dig deep to find some sort of blessing in this horrible season of ridiculously hard. Trying to dig deep to find some positivity. Trying to dig deep to find some sort of break in life. So far I’ve come up with nothing.

Life is tough-my life is tough and I’m not so sure I’m as tough as I used to be. Come on God, help me out. Cuz I am not sure how much more I can take.

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