Blah. Yesterday Kyle had a near perfect day. He got on the bus NO PROBLEM. Like hopped on with a smile! Then Janine reported after school that he was awesome all day! His transitions at school were great! He didn’t meltdown on the bus when Jorge didn’t turn the direction of our house!
Then this morning. I did everything I did yesterday. Thinking maybe if i keep everything the same the outcome will be the same. Wishful thinking. We walked out to the bus aaaaand he started melting down. Kept pointing at the house asking for 27 different things. And progressively getting more upset. James tried getting him on but Kyle was not having it.
Let me stop right here for a minute. James planned to go to a gym class that started at 6:30am. Get Kyle on the bus at a little after 6, just in time to make it to his class.
After a few failed attempts by James and Kyle now on the ground with both shoes thrown across the lawn…Janine suggested Jorge leave and come back after picking up a few of the kids. A redo.
I immediately felt an overwhelming amount of guilt as the bus drove away. James would have to miss his class. Seems minuscule. But wtf Kyle?! GET ON THE DAMN BUS!!!!! Suuuuck. I HATE that I need James to help so much in the morning. I hate that I can’t do it by myself. It’s the worst.
James guided a screaming Kyle back in the house. Kyle plopped down on the floor and kept on screaming. He knew he messed up. No ipad. And mom was pissed.
After about 10 minutes he calmed down. And he sat in the middle of the floor with his head down until the bus showed up around 6:35. He got up and walked out and onto the bus. 🤬
Why? Why does he do this? To explain the level of frustration is impossible.
Here’s the deal. I know I am the issue. And that is super sucky. He has major separation anxiety. Like imagine the toddler stage when they have major separation anxiety-yeah that’s Kyle. All. The. Time. His whole existence. Then throw on top of separation anxiety a little transitional anxiety. Yup. He sucks at transitions. How do I fix this?! He’s my kid. I can’t not get him ready in the morning. I can’t not help get him out the door.
I feel an enormous amount of guilt. I feel an enormous amount of anxiety. Every single morning. And it sucks.
Why can’t this be easier? Why can’t he just get on the bus?
Oh and did I mention we took him to the dr on Saturday-the one that tried to break up with us cuz he’s retiring. Yeah well, he ripped the bandaid off. He didn’t reschedule with us. 😭
I need another vacation. But maybe I won’t come back the next time.
November 5th 2019