January. 10. 2019
This morning I forgot Whitney had preschool. 🤦🏻♀️So when my friend, who we carpool with, pulled up I opened the door-in my jammies on the verge of a meltdown-to yell to her that I spaced it and Whitney wasn’t ready. Then I closed the door and tired to hold back tears. I felt like such an idiot! How did I forget she has school?!
This last week of Kyle’s Christmas break has really been a doozy. And it’s only Wednesday. 5 more days and I am pretty much depleted.
I broke the news to whit that she wasn’t going to school, thankfully she was fine with it.
A little while later a dear friend texted me about reading my blog. We started texting back and forth and then the tears wouldn’t stop. She asked several times what she could do to help. She felt so helpless. And she didn’t even know i was crying on the other end of the keyboard. I explained there wasn’t anything she could do. Cuz really there isn’t..except listen to me vent (which really is something I love and appreciate-thanks April). ❤️
I think that right there might be the single hardest part about being Kyle’s mom. I feel alone so much of the time. Not alone like I don’t have friends. Cuz i have so many that would do anything they could to help! Not alone like James isn’t here to help me cuz he helps lighten my burdens wherever he can. But alone in carrying the load of being Kyle’s mom. No one else can be Kyle’s mom. It’s lonely. And It’s so heavy sometimes. Especially knowing this is what my life will look like forever. And that right there is the hardest part.
I will survive the next 5 days. I always do. I can do hard things, even when I don’t want to. I always do. But man… today I am wishing I didn’t have to. Praying for a better tomorrow.