5 more days

January. 10. 2019

This morning I forgot Whitney had preschool. 🤦🏻‍♀️So when my friend, who we carpool with, pulled up I opened the door-in my jammies on the verge of a meltdown-to yell to her that I spaced it and Whitney wasn’t ready. Then I closed the door and tired to hold back tears. I felt like such an idiot! How did I forget she has school?!

This last week of Kyle’s Christmas break has really been a doozy. And it’s only Wednesday. 5 more days and I am pretty much depleted.

I broke the news to whit that she wasn’t going to school, thankfully she was fine with it.

A little while later a dear friend texted me about reading my blog. We started texting back and forth and then the tears wouldn’t stop. She asked several times what she could do to help. She felt so helpless. And she didn’t even know i was crying on the other end of the keyboard. I explained there wasn’t anything she could do. Cuz really there isn’t..except listen to me vent (which really is something I love and appreciate-thanks April). ❤️

I think that right there might be the single hardest part about being Kyle’s mom. I feel alone so much of the time. Not alone like I don’t have friends. Cuz i have so many that would do anything they could to help! Not alone like James isn’t here to help me cuz he helps lighten my burdens wherever he can. But alone in carrying the load of being Kyle’s mom. No one else can be Kyle’s mom. It’s lonely. And It’s so heavy sometimes. Especially knowing this is what my life will look like forever. And that right there is the hardest part.

I will survive the next 5 days. I always do. I can do hard things, even when I don’t want to. I always do. But man… today I am wishing I didn’t have to. Praying for a better tomorrow.

2 thoughts on “5 more days”

  1. You are one of the great Stoic’s in my life. You are truly living life with all it’s ups and many downs and becoming stronger than many you meet! Your soul is evolving at such a rapid rate because you handle everything that comes your way. And you NEVER. GIVE. UP. Four days left! Love you, friend!

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  2. Hi my name is Maite I’m from North Hollywood I being following you for more than a year or maybe 2. I wanted to introduce my self I have 4 kids one girl and 3 boys 7,6,5 and 2 yrs old, my 6 yrs old his name is Jeremiah he was diagnosed with autism spectrum when he was 2.5 yrs old and his non verbal. When I have time I read your blog, I just want you to know that you have help me in so many ways you make me feel that I’m not alone, I know what you mean when you say you feel lonely even though you have help, knowing that it’s going to be the same for the rest of your life, and always trying to make it a better every day. I wanted to let you know that your not alone and by reading your blogs I know you are a awesome mom your the best mom Kyle could ever have. Thank you so much 🙏 .

    P.S Sorry for writing you so late.

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