Twenty one (three) days

It’s only day two of Kyles 3 week winter break from school. Yup 3 weeks. That’s 21 days (23 if u count this weekend too, which I am). Almost a month. Basically an eternity. He’s already antsy. He’s already made me want to run away too many times to count. And I still have 21 more days. Twenty-one.

I know I’ll survive, I always do. I don’t really have a choice. But sometimes I get overwhelmed and I start to feel myself slip into a pity party.

I start to think of all the meltdowns and all the times he will ask to eat even though he’s not hungry. Or all the times he will pace my house and his anxiety will spill onto me and cause my anxiety to spike. I start to think about the long days at home and the errands I can’t run. The videos he plays on his iPad over and over and over on full volume of course. Or the amount of shirts he will throw over into the neighbors back yard and cry cuz he wants it back-why does he do this…well I’m still not sure why he does that but I know it’ll happen more than once during these 21 days! When I think of this I start to feel sorry for myself. I start to feel sad.

It’s a slippery slope though. Feeling sorry for myself and wishing my circumstances were different. It’s not a fun place to be. I hate feeling like that. I hate feeling sorry for myself. It’s a crappy place to be. It’s not a place I like to stay for very long. Life seems harder when I’m there.

I’m laying by Kyle right now and he is breathing heavy in my ear as he slips into sleep. I do a lot of my thinking and reflecting about the day when I’m laying next to him at night. As I read my above thoughts and listen to Kyle breathe I’m quickly realizing how I need to stop. Stop feeling sorry for myself. Stop feeling sad. I need to snap out of my funk.

I don’t know why God made me Kyle’s mom and you better believe I plan on asking Him as soon as I get up there! But He did and I do know I will survive these 3 weeks, cuz I always do. He always provides some sort of way. I definitely don’t do it alone! The next 21 days will probably be long and some will be harder than others. But I am going to make an effort to embrace it and pray super hard for patience and love Everyday so when the shirt goes flyin over the fence or Kyle asks for chips 10 minutes after he eats lunch and has had 31 snacks I don’t go too crazy!

3 weeks. I got this. I can do it.

I will be writing this on several post it notes and placing them all over my house! 😀

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