Sometimes it’s extremely hard to stay positive. Sometimes it’s hard to think Kyle will ever just walk on the bus without a fight. Especially after this morning, when it took 15 minutes of struggling and crying and snot. Lots of snot. And eventually the bus driver and James had to each take an end of Kyle to get him on. 🙄And did i mention it was raining. So he was sopping wet when he finally got into his seat. Granted he’s a little rusty and has been out of practice for 3 weeks….but this doesn’t make it any less frustrating. 😏
Every behavior theory says that because we follow through every single time no matter what behavior he pulls, he should be getting on the bus by now with no problem. 🙄BUT Kyle’s anxiety throws every behavior theory out the window and then stomps on it. His anxiety is so high that it doesn’t matter what we do. I can reassure him a 10000000 times. I can tell him what to expect. I can hold his hand. I can offer him the biggest, sweetest candy. I can offer him his favorite-Cheetos. I can show him the most detailed social story! And yes, he’s on medication. It doesn’t matter some days (by some i mean pretty much every day) it’s like the anxiety takes over and controls his every move.
As a mom, I watch Kyle struggle every morning with the bus. All i wanna do is burst into tears. Or yell at him-even though I know that won’t do anything but make it worse. Or curl up in a ball in my room and pretend i don’t have to deal with this daily. It’s hard not to want to just give up the bus completely. I feel guilty that I need so much help when it comes to the bus. I feel guilty that my husband (who is the most amazing guy in the world) has to struggle with Kyle every morning. I feel bad that MY son is causing other kids to be off because now the bus is late picking them up. I feel sad that i can’t fix this. Basically I walk away from my morning fight, a ball of emotions and on the verge of tears most mornings. But despite all these feelings, I pull up my big girl panties dry my tears and tell myself I can do this again tomorrow. 😩
I’m trying to find the lesson in this trial because sometimes that helps me stay a little bit more positive. But I’m having difficulty in finding what lesson I am supposed to gain out of this.
Just get on the damn bus, Kyle. WITHOUT a fight. 🤦🏻♀️ Please.